The Family Feud
The Psychology Of Decision-Making
Dr. John H. Sklare
I’m so glad that you decided to read this article. I’m confident that you will find
this piece both interesting and enlightening. I want to introduce you to a concept
that may literally change the way you think about eating forever. If you’re like
most people, you have already spent more time and money than you care to remember
trying to solve this weight control puzzle. I know how difficult and emotional this
is for you. Frankly, one of the primary reasons that people fail at weight control
is that they continue to look in the wrong place for the answer. Most people continue
to search “outside” for the perfect diet, the best doctor, the magic pill, etc.
The truth, however, is that the answer to this problem isn’t “outside” at all. It’s
“inside”.
Now let me begin with a brief explanation of what I believe is at the very heart
of your struggle with weight control. You see, all people operate in terms of dichotomies
or opposites. As a matter of fact, this is also how the world operates. It is the
rhythm of life. There is high/low, happy/sad, awake/asleep, good/evil and so on.
Opposing forces balance our existence. Regarding personality, all of the primary
schools of psychology agree and incorporate this notion into their respective theories.
Depending on which theory you review, each has terms that represent these two opposing
parts. For the purpose of our discussion here, however, I want you to think of these
two opposing forces in these simple terms. I want you to consider these two parts
as the ADULT and the CHILD. Now let me bring this all back to weight control.
With that in mind, I want to provide you with some insight regarding what happens,
inside your head, every time you make an eating decision. I call it The
Family Feud. Let me explain by reminding you of something I just
discussed and something you probably already know. There are two parts of your personality
that are struggling for control of your eating. There is the responsible part of
you that cares deeply about what you eat, how you look and what you weigh. That’s
the part that enrolled in eDiets and decided to read this article. Let’s call this
part the ADULT. However, there is also this irresponsible part of you that doesn’t
care a bit about what you eat, how you look or what you weigh. That’s the part that
is perfectly happy with the way things are and has no desire or interest in changing.
Let’s call this part the CHILD. You see, the conflict between these two parts of
yourself is at the very heart of your weight control struggle. It’s the responsible,
adult part of you that decided to read this article in search of some answer or
insight. This is the part of you that is tired of being unhealthy and overweight
and wants desperately to change. Let me assure you that the child part wants nothing
to do with this search. I understand this conflict very well. It’s my area of expertise.
As a matter of fact, I developed an entire program that specifically addresses the
mental part of weight management called The Inner Diet.
The conflict between these two parts of you is what I call The Family Feud. I bet
that if you close your eyes and listen to your thoughts, you can actually hear these
two parts arguing. You know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s almost as if there
are two totally different people inside your head. I can assure you though that
this is absolutely normal and exists within all of us. For example, one part wants
to get healthy and end this pattern of weight gain and unhealthy eating while the
other part is trying to convince you that it won’t work, you don’t have the time
or it’s too much effort. Living this way is a little like trying to drive forward
with one foot on the gas and the other foot firmly on the brake. The result is that
you get nowhere!
The child within you will make every excuse under the sun in an attempt to keep
you right where you are. So listen to your thoughts for a moment and see if you
can tell who is in charge. Is it the adult or the child? This will determine what
you do today and how you live the rest of your life. It all begins with your thoughts.
After all, what you do is a direct result of what you think. There is no great mystery
here about which comes first as in that popular philosophical discussion regarding
the chicken and the egg. The thought ALWAYS precedes the action. You always decide
to eat prior to the actual eating. It is a decision. The tricky part about this
“decision to eat” is that it is not always a conscious decision. In my opinion,
weight management is a decision-making problem. Change your thinking and your body
will change. It can’t help it. This is the very foundation of mind/body medicine.
As a professional who has worked with countless overweight patients, I know that
being overweight is costly. It creates unhealthy physical demands on your body and
for many it also takes an enormous, emotional toll on your spirit. The answer to
weight control lies in solving the conflict between the adult and child within you.
This is where the power is and this is where the answer lies. Just as parents frequently
butt heads with their children, so do these two parts of you. You know how it goes
when a child wants to do something it shouldn’t and the adult says “No”. The child
tries every trick in the book to get what it wants.
Children, by nature, are emotional decision-makers. They don’t consider the long-term
effects of their actions. They just want instant gratification. They need a responsible
adult to look out for them. This is exactly how this works with your eating decisions.
You have been allowing the irresponsible child part of your personality to make
your eating decisions and your body, your health and your spirit have been paying
the price. The key to changing this pattern of unhealthy eating is to take charge
of that child. It’s time for you to be the responsible adult. It’s time for you
to start winning The Family Feud by taking control of that part of you that has
sabotaged every attempt you have ever made at weight control. The key to change
is awareness. Use this new awareness to take control. This is the fork in the road.
Are you still listening or has the child distracted you?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
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